Once upon a time there were two brothers sitting at the kitchen table doing there homework. They heard a whirring noise and realised the fan had turned itself on. When they went to turn it off the wind from the fan grew strong and carried them away. The wind was cold and gusty and brought them to a rugged land with a bear. The bear was large and furry with big teeth and sharp claws and it was hungry for boy flesh. A slimy, sparkly fish swimming in a nearby river was also affected by the magic fan and grew a thousand times bigger. The fish was Hungry for bear flesh. As the fish ate the bear the boys spotted the reverse button on the fan and pressed it. In the blink of an eye they were whisked back to the kitchen table and finished of there homework.
You have used a lot of adjectives in your writing today Awa to describe things like 'sharp', 'slimy'. To make your writing better what could you do? I think it would be good to organise your ideas into paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work.
Thank you for sharing your narrative Awa! I love how simple and effective the structure of your story is arranged. You have followed the 'TOPS' structure we have been learning about really well. To further develop your narrative you could include some dialogue for your characters to give us some insight into how they are feeling - this could add to your 'excitement' factor! Keep up the great writing! - Mrs T
ReplyDeletethank you miss t i got some help from my mum though
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